In My Head, Andria Bielski

An apocrypha is in my head
But as a child, diagnosed as the living dead.
Who knows a child better than a mother?
Not a therapist, a teacher, a priest, or any other.
I’m here!
I’m here!
She heard my chatter,
And knew the iPad mattered.
I heard them say,
“It’s a misuse!”
“It’s an abuse!”
Silly fools, thee.
You don’t know me.
It’s my voice.
I get a choice.
And it was she
Who set me
Free.     
-Sabrina      

Puzzle fuzzle
His mind’s a muddle.
Hanging by a thread?
Or does he sleep instead.
The Prince begins to awaken.
This Autism is mistaken.
-Sabrina

She sleeps.
She must.
For she cannot adjust.
Hanging by a thread,
They said.
Institutionalize her head.
This Princess will awaken.
Autism is mistaken.
-Sabrina

Silent cries.
The firebirds pray.
My mouth cannot say.
Too many delays.
They say
They say
But Mom, she hears.
Her golden ears.
She knows I’m here
And fights the decay.
-Sabrina

Build me a sight
That speaks of my plight.
See, her art is a fight
To express what’s right.
A feast for the eyes
Two minds that are tied.
Only Love has the might
To conquer all fright.
-Sabrina

Imagined places
A spectrum of faces
It’s not a game,
Naming names.
This princess, she lives.
She breathes, she gives.
Enchanted pieces,
God’s caprices.
The bubbles will burst.
She fears the worst,
But the worlds will collide
And the darkness will die.
-Sabrina

Freedom rings
In covered ears
Amid viral fears
As no one brings
A thought
To God.
-Sabrina

Pick me a peace
Of heaven from sky
Of truths from lies.
It’s your move.
I might improve.
-Sabrina

Fly me to the moon and back,
The Navigators’ track.
Now you see me,
Now you don’t.
It’s topsy-turvsies
These Autism flurries
But there’s real magic inside
If you’d give me a try.
-Sabrina

Seer five,
Keeps me alive.
They are starting to see.
They are believing in me.
There is more to life than eight senses.
The problem is your defenses.
Seer ten is coming and then
We usher in zen.
-Sabrina

Reader, level five
My sister’s a spy.
And that ain’t no lie.
She’s so very quiet
But her mind is a laugh riot.
In just one look
She reads you like a book.
Kieran emerges
Her nemesis she scourges.
My siblings and me,
We have talents you can’t see.
-Sabrina

Hide and seek,
It brings me grief.
I call.
You call.
God watches over it all
While we await the fall
When we can finally be together again.
-Sabrina

I like to see it pop in piles
And lick up its salty wiles
And stop to feed myself some more
And then – prodigious step, ask for more
I think it’s funny
They fear how I fill my tummy.
It’s allergies, they say
It’s not good for her all day
But I like to see it pop in piles
And lick up its salty wiles.
-Sabrina

The map quest,
May it ever be blessed.
The man of the house
After the fraudulent one left.
This is my brother
He lead with his heart
Unlike that other.
He had no map, no plan
But he lead like a real man.
Young in his years,
Held mom through her tears,
And guided his sisters through fears,
This is my brother
He is like no other.
-Sabrina

This is my sister.
She mastered them all
Including that peacock
Who plotted her fall.
He lost.
He failed,
Even before he bailed.
She has the gift to see,
And she believed in mom and me.
-Sabrina

Pretty as a peacock
Pretending to be frail
But he’s as sharp as a nail.
He struts his stuff
Until you call his bluff.
He has not love.
He has loved not
and that is a crime
To which nothing can rhyme.
-Sabrina

This is a Princess,
A future queen.
What lies ahead
Feels full and extreme.
With grace and with charm
But mounting alarm
She’ll handle the task
Without being asked.
-Sabrina

Mom and Lainey and Kieran and me.
We used to be islands, my sisters and me.
Now we are protected
Because we are connected
To God the Father
To each other
And most importantly,
To our Mother.
-Sabrina

Lainey is The Watcher.
She has talents galore
She’s a seer, a hearer, a feeler,
And more.
No one gets passed
When she’s guarding the path.
Just try her and see
I never worry.
I know she is protecting me.
-Sabrina

It’s no joke,
These rhymes of mine.
They can tell you the time
And it is now
I can avow
To gear up
For God is coming.
-Sabrina

It’s time the world should know
What the rarest of artists can show
And what I can hear and see
With all my senses integrated in me.
Thoughts, not just actions,
Are interactions.
Every thought
Ever thought
Every dream
Ever dreamt
Whether good or evil is meant
Are not harmless abstractions.
They are elements of corporeality
Of every person, in totality.
They are not happenstances
They have real effects and consequences.
It’s not just your imagination.
It’s reality
In the fullness of intimation.
What holds a person like me back?
It’s not Autism or some other lack.
It’s the proximity of the thoughts of another
With aggressive intentions
To keep me in oppression.
Violent, angry thoughts are criminal, insane
They do not leave a mark
but the effect is the same.
I
Am
Not
Autistic.
-Sabrina

The sun and the moon are in love, you see,
But together they can never be.
Until one day a miracle direct
Occurs outside of cause and effect.
When they will meet
And birth the stars.
-Sabrina